Ehn.
Do you ever get those niggles of regret in your tums? Those "maybe I shouldn't have said/done that" butterflies?
Because I do. And I hate that. I hate that feeling. I hate that at 28 I can still feel that way--still get self conscious about my choices. Still be affected by what others think.
Sometimes I wonder if that feeling is ever going to go away, and if I'm ever going to feel completely confident. Sometimes I wonder why I still let people get to me in that way in the first place; why it matters what they think.
And it's this feeling that makes my bed even cosier, and my books even better, and my home even more inviting. Its those feelings that make me crave my own company; why I begin to avoid those situations/conversations, full stop.
6 comments:
Yep. I'm feeling like that more often these days. There was a period in my life during first year University when I could have cared less what others thought. Once I left High School it was a new beginning for me. It was very freeing. But my shyness and insecurities have settled in again. As a result I am more reserved.
PS. If you were completely confident all the time you would be one cocky bastard.
PPS. You are fabulous!
i think that those feelings happen to all of us and i wonder if they will ever go away- I hope they will but really worry about it. and with that said, the best company you can keep is your own becasue at the end of the day you are all you have. However, I am glad I have you in my life- even if i like myself better. hahha
Cind
I think self-consciousness also indicates sensitivity towards others. Like knowing that something you have said has hurt another's feelings, even after the fact (then we learn from it). I don't think those butterflies are all bad.
I think self-consciousness in another form of social awareness. Being around a few people (in-laws)who are a bit clueless about the feelings and thoughts of others (and who subsequently insult people without knowing it, or just don't really fit in well in social situations) I've really begun to appreciate that part of my mind that questions what I've said - either before or after I've said it.
Just some thoughts.
DOn't worry, you're gonna make mistakes and you're gonna do things that people don't necessary agree with but that doesn't mean its not right for you. So many people are unaware of life outside themselves. This just shows that you're a caring human being.
PS. Sorry for not saying bye on Saturday - the bartender kicked Judd out and we had to carry him out. THough I think he might have fell into your table on the way out.
PPS. The invitations are dried and the damage isn't that bad. Everyone absolutely loves them by the way. You are a true talent. THANK YOU!
Thanks dudes. You're all vair sweet, and to quote PCD, "I 'preciate you" (did I just say that?!) But here's the real deal:
The issue isn't so much about feeling like I've hurt someone, bur rather that I feel self conscious about what I've said in a "is that lame?" type way.
And that's what I hate. I hate that I'm still hanging on to this(for lack of a better phrase) high school mentality. I want it gone.
Savvy?
It's like so many times after a few too many I worry that I've said totally retarded things to people. I always feel silly and convinced that the next time they see me they'll be snickering and whispering about me. "Grow up Poo - you're 28. Who cares what people think"...that's what I tell myself. You should try it.
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